Monday, 28 September 2015

A couple years on.

So, education ended and I went to work. I don't have a job that is even remotely close to where I thought I would be at this moment in my life. I stack shelves, granted I run a team of people which after getting to know them all; are fairly like-minded; but nevertheless, we all stack shelves. All my plans to become an illustrator have pretty much drowned, largely due to the fact that I just cannot shake the feeling that I must continue where I am at. I cannot leave my day to day job. I don't have a story written up, never finished my portfolio and in all honesty I don't have any skill as an illustrator. I just scribble all the bitterness left inside me onto paper, occasionally. It's not even a hobby, let alone a career. But, I have a new passion.

I've been lifting weights. Picking up heavy things and putting them back down repeatedly. Exciting, I know. I've been at it since 2013. I've found it to be the most consistent thing I have done with my life so far. I find a great sense of achievement in listing heavier and heavier. That is the only reason I continue to do it.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Get on with it!

I am at a point in my life where I feel like I’m having a constant existential crisis, where I am sick of feeling like I have no control.  My life is somewhat desolate. I have built everything upon sand where the tide is quickly washing everything away. I don’t want to feel like this. The only reason I do is because of me, oh, how I’d love to pass on the blame. But truly, it is me who is at fault. Well, then surely I am the one to fix it!?... How?

And so begins my ultimate challenge; the challenge of getting out of this hell-hole.  I say this to myself almost every day, but I do nothing to solve it. WHY!?! If I am truly not happy, why won’t I solve this! Well, I have lacked motivation in the past; felt constrained by relationships and circumstances. But now, I am on my own, standing on my own two feet. Shit, when did that happen?

It happened because in the past I was lazy! So damn lazy. Yet now, I have fixed my physique, become healthy, quit smoking, got a job (Even if it is shit), have a roof over my head, I write more, draw more and feel sometimes like I can win, I can achieve my goals. It boils down to my mentality! It’s in my fucking head, heart and balls. Use them. It’s about time I used this new found strength, truly got off my ass and took my life to where it belongs!

I’m a creative person! I’m an artist in your own god damn right!?I need to stop holding myself back and just go for it! Remember that in life, we fail so that we can succeed! Failing is only learning to WIN!

It’s February, I have until December to get a new job and be on my way to my true life aspirations.

Here’s the plan!

- Replace laptop battery
-Edit CV and covering letter
-Apply for new short-term jobs
-You are going to write and draw every week
                -work on ‘Fractals’!
- post to your blog
-build portfolio

-Once I have an online portfolio and quality work
- apply for job roles that are best suited to my technical specifications

Monday, 2 December 2013

Lost, but not forgotten.

So. I have had a year out. A complete year to ponder and work on everything. Yet, within this past year, I've done next to nothing in terms of developing 'Fractals'. "Sigh". However, i have been developing myself in an obscure way; a way that i would never have approached prior to this year..... (More to come. Quick post.)

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Fractal... The image.

Ok, so this was a quick piece. It seems i don't have that much time spare as of late. So i figured that i'd try and brighten myself up by working on a mock design for the story. I'm unsure what it would be used for, i kinda just let myself 'go' in photoshop and illustrator.